There are three things in my life that I long to see: a UFO, a ghost, and some jag off slipping on a banana peel. I would love to know where this phenomenon derived from. Does this even happen? If you have ever seen someone slip on a friggin’ banana peel then I would love to hear about it. I have seen it illustrated in countless ways. Cartoons, comic strips, video games, etc… My wife is filipino and she insists that slipping on banana peels is a reality. It must be some kind of third world thing. I would seriously love to see it. Why is it only banana peels? You mean to tell me that you can’t slip on a peel from a lemon or an orange? How come monkeys aren’t always falling down with all of the peels that must be laying around their environment. Eh, so many unanswered questions.

I bet used condoms could also be a safety hazard on the sidewalk. The scenario would feature an impeccably dressed executive, briskly walking down a busy boulevard. With a briefcase in one hand he frequently checks his rolex, agonizing about his tardiness to the 9:30 board meeting. Dodging a hot dog vendor on his right and a street performer on his left he narrowly dodges the wino out flat in his path. With the agility of a world class slalom skier he weaves in and out of foot traffic, increasing his stride in sync with his judgment to maintain punctuality. Rounding his last corner before the home stretch, his traction is seized by a familiar obstacle. The smooth leather sole of his left shoe meets it’s match against a soiled latex sheath housing a generous amount of man goo. His surprise instigates instability in his step. Struggling to maintain balance, he exerts lethal pressure on his left foot resulting in an untimely pop beneath his shoe. Six heaping tablespoons of week old jizz flood the dry proximity beneath his foot. Instant slip and slide! The right foot proves useless to aid in the demise of the left foot. The executive demonstrates a ridiculous dance as a last ditch effort to stay vertical, but his attempt is futile. His left leg gives up in it’s battle against the love yogurt and kicks itself high in the sky like a Rockette at Radio City taking the right leg along for the ride. Landing flat on his back, the executive shits his slacks on impact. Broken by his humiliation he rolls himself sideways into the gutter and sleeps it off. 

Now tell me that you wouldn’t sooner believe a story like this than that silly banana peel shit.